


This B'tch is Trying to Steal My Jeep!

by ZChan



Category: Outlast (Video Games)
Genre: Parody, cursing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-18
Updated: 2014-05-18
Packaged: 2018-01-25 15:45:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1653950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZChan/pseuds/ZChan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I always wondered what would happen if Miles made it to his Jeep before Waylon could drive off.</p>
            </blockquote>





	This B'tch is Trying to Steal My Jeep!

A dark cloud was emerging from the doors. Looking through his camera and turning on the night vision function, he saw the basic structure of the male body surrounded in dark clouds, his body black like muck from head to toe. That’s not the Walrider…what the hell is that?!

You know what, whatever. Waylon is done with this place, this is the end of the story, forget whatever the hell that is cause it’s Sayonara to Mount Massive and all its sh’t! Roll credits!

Waylon tossed the camera aside, not giving a f’ck about whatever the hell that thing is, just wanting to leave. He gave the gear shift two hard tugs.

It’s stuck.

He looked back up and the dark cloud appeared to be getting closer. He could see it through the static developing in his eyes.

He jerked it some more desperately. Still won’t budge. It’s getting closer. No, he’s come so far. This can’t be happening! He’s so close to freedom he could taste it! He jerked it some more. It’s coming closer. Please! Please let him leave! He’s using both his hands now, and only then did the gear finally shift.

It was too late.

The black cloud surrounded the car and all he could see was darkness. You could hear his unsteady breathing turning into a cry when the glass windshield started cracking. It cracked and it cracked, the glass thumping like it was being punched. Eventually the glass shattered, raining on top of Waylon harder than showers. His neck felt grabbed and he yelped as he was lifted up. All he could do was shake his head and hope for a miracle as he looked into the eyes of the Walrider.

The Walrider growled. _Are you trying to steal my car, man?_

All Waylon could do was whimper, waiting for his death.

_Are you f’cking serious? I went through the 9 layers of hell and back again twice and I finally get out of this hell hole seeing one of you sons of b’tches trying to jack my car? Do you even know how to drive, you crazy f’ck?_

Waylon breathed heavily. _I didn’t mean to steal it, I swear, I just_ —

_I can kill you now, you know that right?_

_No please!_ His breathing was rapid.

_I got these bad’ss powers, f’cker! I’m the top sh’t around these parts now. I’ll f’ck up a b’tch if I feel like it!_

_Please! I’m sorry, I just want to see my wife and kids! Spare me!_

The Walrider gave him a quizzical look. _You remember having a wife and kids_?

Waylon nods frantically. _Yes! Yes I do! I not one of them, I swear! I’m sane! I’ve been through what you have, I’ve been trying to get out too to see my family again! I’ll take another form of transportation, I’ll even walk! Just let me go!_

The Walrider considered this. Then he thought of all the people he encountered that ‘weren’t one of them’ and ‘was just like him’. _How do I know you’re not making this up?_

 _I’m not! See!_ Waylon points at the camera laying on the passenger seat. _I took footage of everything I saw so I could tell the world what the Murkof Corporation was up to. I’m Waylon Park, a full time engineer of Murkof! I took a job here so I could put more food on the table for my family, I had no idea the things they were doing were bad! I tried asking some journalist if they could help me figure out what’s going on here and show it to the public but then I got caught and was about to be hypnotized to be like the patients but the film was stopped in time and some patient let me out and I filmed everything I saw and I’ve been through hell like you and I just want to go home--!_

_Wait a minute…did you say your name was Waylon Park?_

_Yes! Yes, my name is Waylon Park!_ He was arguing with himself whether revealing who he is was a good or bad thing. Only God will tell.

 _Well I’ll be damned!_ The Walrider smiled goofily. He sets Waylon aside on the side of the car, and his wounded acted up, making him lean on the side of it. The Walrider offered his hand out to him, friendly like. _Excuse me for that rude greeting. I’m one of the journalist you assigned, Miles Upshur._

Waylon accepted it with wide eyes. _Miles Upshur?..._ YOU’RE _the Walrider?_

Miles looked down at himself, then looked back up and shrugged. _Well…I am now I guess._

_What happened to you?_

_Well, the Walrider was programmed by this guy named Billy Hope and he was one sick serial killer. He was killing people left and right because he can and some bull about protecting German Dr. Evil. You saw him right, Wayrider? I’m sure you understand he had to die. So I cut off Billy’s life support and watched that b’tch bleed to death. It was the greatest sh’t I have ever filmed. Although, the Walrider had no host and the host could only be a person who’s seen enough horror. Like I said before, I’ve been through 9 layers of hell and back twice, so I was very convenient considering the location. So now I’m his host. I control him now, and I, had…the best f’cking killing spree ever._

_You killed everyone?_

_Only the enemy, Murkof workers and stuff. Like the military and that Blaire guy that tried to kill you. None of the patients…okay some, BUT THEY TRIED TO KILL ME FIRST! How about you’re story? You look like sh’t ate sh’t and sh’t you out._

Waylon grasped the wound given by Blaire’s glass shard before. _It’s a long story…_

_That makes both of us. You want a ride home?_

_Are you sure, do you live far?_

_Bro, I live in another state. As long as it’s not the other side of the map, wherever you’re heading I’m going that direction._

Waylon smiled from this kind gesture. _Thank you so much…_

 _But first,_ Miles gave him a quick jab on Waylon’s right cheek making him stagger. He hits the concrete floor and saw red for a few seconds. _You don’t send out ignorant people into this hell hole, man! That aien’t right! I could’ve died! I did die! I died in there, man!_

He spits out the speckle of blood in his mouth. _I know, I’m sorry. I f’cked up! I really did, I am so sorry._

 _That’s alright. I came out super bad’ss anyway. But if that was someone else…! Just for future references._ Miles opened the door to his car and gave life a ponder. _We just had a conversation._

Waylon grunted as he stood up, and pondered this too. _We did, didn’t we?_ And it’s pretty impressive that they did considering neither of them opened their mouths except to gasp or grunt or scream. _Mr. Upshur, are you a mute?_

_I am!_

_Oh wow! So am I!_

Miles helped him to the passenger seat by offering him a shoulder to lean on while he limbs to the other side of the car. _Jesus, I never met another mute before! It’s like we totally understand each other without talking._

_I know! Glad to meet another guy like me. All I have is my wife Lisa. None of the other guys understand what I’m not saying._

Miles lets Waylon sit in the passenger seat and goes on to the other side. _Don’t you just hate it when you’re about to say something—_

_And something happens right when you’re about to talk and it stops you! I know! It’s like it’s scripted for that exact moment or something!_

_Every freaking time!_ Miles enters the car and slouched with a pout. _Goddamn nanobots, can’t see sh’t. Walrider, sit in the back!_ The cloud transformed into the form of a skinny alien like creature and sat innocently in the back like a person it someone else’s home. The black fog left Miles and Waylon could see his brownish green coat above a gray shirt and some blue jeans and a black belt, casual clothes; Waylon missed casual clothing. _Yup, it’s my b’tch now._

It was hard for Waylon to believe the Walrider was sitting at the back of this Jeep so calmly and unharmingly after all their experiences together. _It does whatever you say? Interesting._

 _Even better. It can even heal all my wounds. Watch._ Miles picked up a glass shard near the front of the car and use the sharp part to stab his abdomen. He screamed while Waylon winced, remembering how that felt when it happened to him. A black cloud surrounded the wound for a few seconds and gone. The thing looked like it didn’t even happen. _Eh?_

_Wow. I could think of a lot of situations where that could’ve come in handy. You must feel really lucky._

_Hell no, it hurts like a b’tch, but it’s worth it. Just…I don’t like this place._

_Me neither. Do you wish to flip the bird through the window as we leave through the gates of Mount Massive?_

_And shove it where the sun don’t shine, Mr. Park._

_Aw, call me Waylon._

Miles wheeled backwards, jerked the gear shift up, and drives forward. As the head of the car crashes through the gates, with the windows rolled down, they both simultaneously brought out they’re middle finger through their respective windows.


End file.
